The Third World as seen from the saddle

For some, the descent out of Nyanga down to Nyamaropa was hair raising, white knuckle stuff. For me, not so much. I’m bald and go down hills only slightly faster than I go up them.

Carl and Mark clocked 70 k.p.h., Mike 65 k.p.h. while I brought up the rear with a sensible 53 k.p.h. Watching Alan Rheeder fall off a mountain in Malawi right in front of me cured me of any need for speed.

Half way down the descent, I developed an itch on the end of my nose. The urge to scratch my itch became all consuming, but all I could think about was Chris Froome crashing last year while blowing his nose at speed. So I stopped to scratch the itch. Stu and Gary pulled up behind me in the support vehicle to see if I was okay. I pretended I was taking a photo.

There were many reasons to take photos. The landscapes dropping down from 2100 meters to 700 meters were spectacular. From pine trees and wattles, we were back down to baobab and rivers without water by breakfast. Mike saw Borrasis, Ilala and Raffia Palms standing next to each other in the one valley but I didn’t because they were on one of the descents. The Borrasis is an exotic species ex Madagascar , introduced here by doubt by a visiting Arab who stopped for a number two.

Annoyingly there were also some uphill bits today. In a car you wouldn’t have noticed the uphill, but on a mountain bike no problem. Which was a problem because I had told my legs that we were having a holiday today. 1100 meters of invisible climb later, my legs think I am a false prophet. They cannot believe I have them pedaling the day after the Blue Cross.

Again I spent all day at the back of the peloton, diligently sweeping for strugglers and stragglers but never saw a single one. I am now suspecting the strugglers and stragglers ride faster than me.

My riding shorts are starting to fall off me. Which is good because I have to stop to pull them up. After yesterday, even the flat bits are uphill.

I also stopped often to wee. I think that could be the root cause of my dehydration. I wee a lot because I drink a lot because I am dehydrated. Catch 22 on a bicycle, alas.

Our target distance for the day was 105 km. For the next 6 days, we have no fixed night stops and will set up camp in the bush on the side of the road where we stop pedaling. After chasing Blue Cross deadlines and targets, the absence of pressure is welcome.

The countryside we are riding through is huge and empty with little people pressure. We track down the local headman to ask for permission before we set up camp.

Lots of people are asking questions about our daily routine. Normally we like to camp near a river bed because it is easy to dig the loo hole in sand. Digging loo holes and setting up the shower is normally Mark’s job. Riders get to shower first. The hot gas shower on Carl’s has been voted the best thing on Tour, closely followed by the Boskak 2000, followed by the Gokwe Power Station a.k.a. the Goal Zero Inverter as supplied by Solution Centre. Keeping phones, cameras, Garmins, torches times 8 people charged is normally a mission on Tour but with the Gokwe Power Station in attendance, it is too easy. The Swag bedroll come tents are the last things to go up, in just minutes. Jenny and I are styling in the Taj Mahal rooftop tent with a built in view and complete with sun lounge on top of the kitchen trailer.

After setting up camp and while Jenny and Vicky get busy sorting out delicious to feed the masses, ably assisted by Stu, the riders wash their bikes, because clean bikes are fast bikes, apart from mine.

With the riders burning 4000 calories on a big day, Jenny and Vicky’s feeding job is a big one. Before dinner, Carl gets busy tweaking the next day’s route and uploading the tracks on to the Garmins for riders and vehicles so that people can get lost using technology. Mark and Gary are the resident pyromaniacs in charge of campfires. Having been a lumberjack in a previous life, Mike Scott is usually the best firewood forager. And while all of that is happening, I look for stuff in my kitbag but never find it.

In the morning we do all of the above in reverse, apart from finding stuff in my kitbag. Stu is always the first up before 05.00 stoking the fire and starting the oats. Our aim is to try start pedaling by 07.30. Every day we get closer and closer to leaving on time and should achieve that the day after we get back to Bulawayo.

After dinner I passed my first pinch test, meaning I was fully rehydrated. My nutritionists were well pleased. I sure am learning a lot on this Tour, including bad language. I am now qualified to write lyrics for Five Finger Death Punch.

Gary finally got on to the Dick of the Day board, cruelly nominated by others mostly because he hadn’t previously been nominated. The official crime he was accused of was being a member of the Paparazzi and they killed Princess Di. Because my alliance with Gary is strong, I never voted for him, even though I liked Princess Di.

If you are enjoying our Lockdown Tour adventure, please look out for new book Cape Town to Kilimanjaro- the Third World as seen from the Saddle available in bookshops and Amazon late August with part proceeds to the pensioners.

In closing, a big shout out from Gran to Matthew, David, Benji and Rafe.

Until my next blog from the middle of nowhere on the other side of Kotwa, survive, enjoy and pedal if you can - Eric Chicken Legs de Jong