The Third World as seen from the saddle

The Coronavirus continues to claim big name victims around the world, the latest one being the Hertz Car Hire Company. And soon to be followed by almost every airline in the sky, or more to the point, not in the sky, plus a bunch of big name-brand retailers in South Africa like Edgars and Jet Stores. Alas.

After 102 years of making Avis try harder, Hertz are gone because of a virus that people have a 98.6% chance of surviving overall, although your odds do drop down to just 92% if you are over 80 or with underlying health problems. Alas. But because it is such a competitive world out there, investors and stock markets can’t afford to mourn for long.

We’re nine weeks into this thing and I’ve gone from sceptic, to scared and am now back to being sceptic. I think people have less chance of surviving the lockdown than they have of surviving the virus, certainly in Zimbabwe anyway where 40,000 have been arrested for flouting lockdown rules. And after last week we know that arrest in Zimbabwe can lead to adduction followed by beatings, torture and rape with the barrel of a gun. So far, the police haven’t managed to arrest any of the abductor torturers who walked out of Harare Central Police Station with the 3 MDC leaders, but they are full steam ahead with the prosecuting the 3 victims. Who lest they escape are being guarded in their hospital wards by no less than 13 police and prison guards, which should help ease their trauma no end.

With no booze and no cigarettes, surviving Stage 4 lockdown in South Africa has also been tough. Especially for 16 people in the Eastern Cape who didn’t, after the illegal home brew they turned to for solace killed them. I’m guessing their last words were ‘Man, this stuff packs a punch.’ Dhlamini Zuma’s lockdown prohibition on booze ends this weekend and bottle stores can reopen, but only from Monday to Thursday. Cigarettes however remain banned. If I was a cynic and having seen footage of the flood of black-market cigarettes streaming into SA across the Limpopo, I would suggest a link between Dhlamini Zuma and  Adriano Mozatti, black-market cigarette kingpin, but I’m not, so I won’t. Just because she is Jacob Zuma’s ex, doesn’t mean she is also corrupt. Apparently, Google have known about Mazotti’s criminal activities for years. The South African Police Force really should get internet access.

Zimbabwe’s confirmed coronavirus cases jumped from 56 to 63 to 132 in 2 days, mostly on the back of returning citizens from SA and Bulawayo. Trying to stem that flood won’t be made any easier by Plumtree School, one of the main quarantine sites, burning down, again. Judging by the way confirmed case numbers are spiking in the countries around us, Zambia at 1057 and South Africa at 27403, clearly our testing is dodgy. Personally though, I cannot see the point of asymptomatic testing because all that is going to tell you is that you’re weren’t infected as of how ever many days ago you had the test. Apparently, it is all to do with statistical trending, but we didn’t learn that at Allan Wilson. We didn’t pay much attention to stuff that couldn’t be hammered, screwed, or completely buggered up on a lathe.

You will have picked up on the fact that I am sick and tired of coronavirus and coronavirus lockdown. So, I have decided to get on with my life, albeit at 2.5 metre spacing, with clean hands and no hugging. Because Carl Wilson has finished plotting the route the Old Legs 2020 Lockdown Tour, due to start in just 5 weeks, I have to get back to full fitness in a hurry. Pursuant to this, Adam Selby dragged me out on my first long training ride, 90 km to Mutorashanga via harsh hills out of the Mazoe Valley and the even worse Nyabira Road. It was my first long ride after busting my ribs. Apart from the first 90 km of deep sand and the rib-busting corrugations, it was such a fun ride. I have no idea where all the sand comes from because a year ago, it wasn’t deep like that.

After a week of non-stop whingeing, whining and bleating about ‘How dare Dominic Cummings drive 250 miles in England with a sick wife and child’ what a pleasure to escape to the bush on a bicycle. The people out there refresh me. They have so little, but they still know how to smile. Most probably because they haven’t heard of Dominic Cummings.

Adam and I rode past 4 kids on water collection duties. Their village was perched above a river on one of the aforementioned harsh hills. The road between the village and the river was 2 kilometres long and all of it up. The oldest kid aged maybe 9 had a 20 litre bucket of water on his head, and all of over his back and front, because he was quite prone to spilling, while his shorter younger siblings were loaded down with 5 litre containers. I stopped to talk to them. Well actually I stopped to catch my breath. From what I could make out those little guys trudge up and down that hill 4 times a day, fully laden. And all of them were full of smiles.

As were 3 men on the same road, bent over collecting mealie pips, pip by pip, working their way along a stretch of the road where a truck with broken bags of mealies on the back had recently passed. The guy in front was the happiest, having gleaned at least a kilo of free maize so far.

I was less happy when we finally arrived at Mutorashanga 5 and a half hours later. The Old Legs Tour is about three things, having fun, doing good and doing epic. How much fun I have depends on whether I get back to full fitness in time. There is a zero doubt about ticking the Do Epic box though. Carl’s route will have us doing epic in spades. We’ll ride 2993 kilometres, mostly on sand and dirt, through Zimbabwe’s most rugged wilderness areas and National Parks, including Mana Pools, Matusadona, Hwange and Gonarezhou, climbing a whopping 29814 metres in the process.  That is from sea level to the top of Mt Everest 3 and a bit times in 35 days. Our last 6 days a.k.a. the Blue Cross will be especially harsh with 10000 plus metres of climb in 500 km to bring us back to our start point at Mt Nyangani.

Never let it be said that the Blue Cross is not a competitive event. I look forward to resuming my rivalry with Stu Chalmers. In the 2018 edition of Blue Cross, Stu and I competed fiercely for the title of Most organized camper on Tour. Because my Red Indian name would be ‘He Who Packs Like Shit, and because Stu Chalmers is anal having gone to Prince Edward, he won hands down.  But this year, I’ve pulled out all the stops and have invested in a set of drawers for the back of my Patrol.  I’ve got four drawers- one for socks, underwear and ancillary condiments, one for Other Stuff A to L, one for Other Stuff M to P and one for Other Stuff Q to Z. Chalmers, you are going down.

Our chances of ticking the ‘Do Good’ box on the Lockdown Tour are tracking at well over one hundred percent. When we started the 2020 Tour, mindful of how hard times are, we resisted the urge of raising the bar and left it set at the same one hundred thousand dollars that we raised on the Kilimanjaro Tour. This week, with massive help from Alan Crundall and Global Sourcing Services headquartered in Brisbane Australia, our fundraising barometer is sitting at a massive $94, 998!!! To Alan, Julia, Daniel, Adam and Cara - you guys left Zimbabwe almost 20 years ago. That you still care about the less fortunate that you left behind in Zim, gives me huge goose bumps as I type, and a huge smile on my heart. You guys are Australia’s gain and Zimbabwe’s loss. Thank you, thank you, thank you and God Bless.

If you would also like to donate, details of all the fund raising platforms are on www.oldlegstour.co.zw and in the blog postscript.

There are other ways that you can help. In Harare the Old Legs Tour is now 10 weeks into our Lockdown Feeding program, in which we deliver food and some badly needed company, albeit briefly and strictly from a 2.5 meter distance, to 35 old folk, mostly living on their own outside of care facilities. Wallace, Jenny and I have 13 oldies on our visit list and so many of them have become friends, especially Wallace’s. Helping them remains the highlight of my week. But I am now stressing about what happens when we go off on Tour and would like to appeal for volunteers to look after them while we are away. To adopt a granny will cost you just an hour of your week. If anyone is interested in adopting, please What’s App or Private Message me. But I want my guys back, when I am back from Tour.

I would also like to put out an appeal on behalf of Pensioners Aid for blankets and warm clothing. In keeping with life in Zimbabwe in general, this winter will be harsh and tough, especially if you are old and without a blanket or a warm jersey or jacket. If you can help, please drop off your warm donations with Linda Crafter at 4 Star Close, Chispite.

On to other business. Please let me know if you would like a signed copy of my book Running Dogs and Rose’s Children. And if you would like to have a hero named after you in my next book War and Other Social Diseases, please please enter on my website www.ericgeorgedejong.com. I’ve gone with two pleases because no disrespect to the one and only entrant to date, but I am really struggling to fit a hero called Bertus van Tonder into my plot.

In closing, please raise a glass to Andrew Phillips who passed on Sunday after months of fighting hard and being incredibly brave. May His Dear Soul Rest In Peace.

Until next week, survive, enjoy and pedal if you can

Eric Chicken Legs de Jong

Photos below - a too pretty kopje on the road to Mutorashanga, halfway up a steep hill, happiness is spilled mealie pips, an Organized Set of Drawers, RIP Andrew.